Distraction

There once was a time I thought going to Sunday School and church Sunday mornings was all the training, growing, and informing I needed as a Christian.  Then about eight years or so ago I realized that, no, I should have a personal, private relationship with Christ, after all, He is my personal savior and friend.  Since then I have attempted to establish a structured, nearly daily Bible/prayer time.  My more successful spurts have ranged anywhere from a few weeks to a few months.  However, I find myself fading away from these times of study, contemplation, and simply resting in the Lord's presence until weeks (or months) have passed since I have opened my Bible for any reason other than Sunday morning Bible class or had anything much of a prayer life.  When I realize this, I am then overwhelmed with a hunger and urge to immerse myself in Scripture.  I set out with the best intentions.  I sit down with my huge NKJV Thompson Chain-Reference Study Bible, take a deep breath, look down at the cover of the tome in my lap, and am stumped.  Now what?  There are a lot of things I want to know, but where do I start?  What is right for today?  Should I read in the Old Testament or New?  A reading from the Gospels?  Or should I read something historical?  Or from a book by one of the prophets?  Or should I go to the epistles?  Maybe I should get a Bible study program so I know what to follow.  Bible in a year?  No, I've tried that.  Character study?  Maybe.  Beth Moore?  I heard her David one is really good.  Psalm and Proverb of the day?  There are more books in the Bible, though.  Hmm...I guess I'll just open to a random page and start halfheartedly reading... (which can actually be a really good strategy, I've discovered.  Well, not the halfhearted part, of course).

My wanting a program to follow in almost all areas of my life is problematic.  I want to be able to measure my "progress."  Did I read enough today?  Do I comprehend or at least remember something from what I read?  Am I dedicated enough?  I know no program can measure my spiritual growth.  I know it doesn't matter if I read Psalm 21 on the 25th (Wait! If I had been following that program, I could have been blessed by this four days sooner!).  Also, a program makes it far easier for me to not have to do the dreaded thing of making a decision about what to read.  Someone else has already decided for you!  Because I know these things about myself, I've decided not to follow a program at this time. There are some I am really interested in doing at some point, but I need to take charge of my own growth for a little while.  The program I am going to follow is to read about something on my heart. It sounds simple enough.  I think I can master that.  It is not as though I am going to run out of thoughts!  But, if I do, I know I can turn to a Psalm, a Proverb, or an account about Jesus and go from there.  

I pray to be spiritually full, but always hungry for more.