Here is a wall of text for those of you who missed me! :).
I'm sorry it has been a while. I hope to remedy the posting droughts by properly refocusing my blog and posting what I feel like I should rather than over-analyzing everything. So, from now on, instead of feeling like every post has to be amazingly deep and profound, I will feel free to publish book reviews, quotes from books or articles, Bible verses from my readings that strike me for some reason, and, potentially, cooking updates!
I'm particularly excited about that last one. While deliberating/fighting with God about what in the world I was going to do if I wasn't in school, He told me I was going to cook and bake cookies, particularly oatmeal raisin cookies. In case you did not know, oatmeal raisin cookies are evil. Prior to God's voicing His plan in regards to this, I once got so angry at a batch of oatmeal raisin cookies that just weren't turning out (despite it being the exact same recipe that I had used before that had turned out wonderfully...) I reached into a 350 degree oven bare-handed to pull out a tray of said defective cookies. So, yes, when God told me that I was going to be spending a lot of time with the most demonic baked good in existence, I became even less happy. But when He told me that I could and should buy cookbooks, I brightened. I love books. A lot. And I enjoy food. I enjoy gardening and growing food, preparing it, cooking and baking it, talking about it, giving it to people, and eating it. My family is like this, too. We plan vacations around food. We will find out about a restaurant and plan a vacation to the area, looking for other things to do while there (the buffet at Mrs. Yoder's Kitchen in Mt. Hope, OH is really good if you want some Amish food. Nearby, there is the Walnut Creek Cheese Factory: a bulk food store with jellies, jams, and cheeses, too. P. Graham Dunn is a nice place to stop on the way to the area. We make this day trip at least once a year.).
Anyway, I kind of forgot about buying cookbooks. This was one type of book I didn't really know how to buy because the market is filled with so many different types and qualities. So, I decided to make use of the Internet instead of physical books. I began following blogs and became not the first person to discover Heidi Swanson of 101 Cookbooks. As I became a dedicated follower, she announced the upcoming publishing of her new book Super Natural Every Day. I was pendulous about purchasing it but eventually decided in favor of doing so. Guess what? It came today! Guess what else? Today started out as one of the roughest I have had in a long time! So, I wasn't overly thrilled with its arrival and drug it inside along with the other large boxes from Amazon containing our next few months supply of Izze drinks.
I was feeling frustrated with several people and with life in general. Thus, I set about my day with a bad attitude. As my frustration faded, I became more and more light-headed to the point I was seeing stars even after standing for a long period of time. I lay down and rested for a bit, and that helped, so long as I didn't move any part of my body and stared straight at the ceiling. I fought through it to get some food and lemon water. At this point, my insightful boyfriend asked me via text message how I was doing and, upon receiving my answer, suggested I put on worship music and think about for what I was thankful. Good advice. I didn't want to do it, but after I finished my snack I did. It morphed into a quiet worship session. I discovered many of my problems stemmed from a temporary state of rebellion. I didn't realize I was in such a state. At the point of writing this, I do not know what I was rebelling against, but now that I have come out of it, I realize I was. My chosen attire for the day, the music I had been blaring, my thoughts, and my feelings were all negative and rebellious.
The hold broke, I no longer felt dizzy and weak, but quiet and joyful. I grabbed the package containing my cookbook. I felt excited once I got it in my hands, I opened it, and a great joy swept over me that I had to share in my little corner of the Internet. During my time praying to God, I had complained yet again about how I didn't feel like how I was doing anything worthwhile--just sitting around at home doing nothing (why did You do this to me again?). And I complained about my apparent inability to do anything outside the home without being forced into a recovery day. What I consider a busy day is considered to be an easy one by most people ("well...I had to go to the store to pick up some stuff, go to the library to drop off books, and to the bank to make an ATM withdrawal. Now I'm exhausted. No, I'm not sick: I've always been like this! Seriously!"). I madly asked God why He made me "defective." In hindsight, I find this to be funny in a sad way. Here I was telling the perfect Being who made me that He did it wrongly--"God, You screwed up!" But, He patiently told me that there was nothing wrong with me, that He made me to be a homebody so I could effectively minister there, no one is defective when living according to His plan, and that I should go open my cookbook so I could enjoy expanding my knowledge while working to improve my food ministry. Now, I am going to warm up some supper and do just that.
What lovely insight, Jeannie!
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing. :]