Distraction

There once was a time I thought going to Sunday School and church Sunday mornings was all the training, growing, and informing I needed as a Christian.  Then about eight years or so ago I realized that, no, I should have a personal, private relationship with Christ, after all, He is my personal savior and friend.  Since then I have attempted to establish a structured, nearly daily Bible/prayer time.  My more successful spurts have ranged anywhere from a few weeks to a few months.  However, I find myself fading away from these times of study, contemplation, and simply resting in the Lord's presence until weeks (or months) have passed since I have opened my Bible for any reason other than Sunday morning Bible class or had anything much of a prayer life.  When I realize this, I am then overwhelmed with a hunger and urge to immerse myself in Scripture.  I set out with the best intentions.  I sit down with my huge NKJV Thompson Chain-Reference Study Bible, take a deep breath, look down at the cover of the tome in my lap, and am stumped.  Now what?  There are a lot of things I want to know, but where do I start?  What is right for today?  Should I read in the Old Testament or New?  A reading from the Gospels?  Or should I read something historical?  Or from a book by one of the prophets?  Or should I go to the epistles?  Maybe I should get a Bible study program so I know what to follow.  Bible in a year?  No, I've tried that.  Character study?  Maybe.  Beth Moore?  I heard her David one is really good.  Psalm and Proverb of the day?  There are more books in the Bible, though.  Hmm...I guess I'll just open to a random page and start halfheartedly reading... (which can actually be a really good strategy, I've discovered.  Well, not the halfhearted part, of course).

My wanting a program to follow in almost all areas of my life is problematic.  I want to be able to measure my "progress."  Did I read enough today?  Do I comprehend or at least remember something from what I read?  Am I dedicated enough?  I know no program can measure my spiritual growth.  I know it doesn't matter if I read Psalm 21 on the 25th (Wait! If I had been following that program, I could have been blessed by this four days sooner!).  Also, a program makes it far easier for me to not have to do the dreaded thing of making a decision about what to read.  Someone else has already decided for you!  Because I know these things about myself, I've decided not to follow a program at this time. There are some I am really interested in doing at some point, but I need to take charge of my own growth for a little while.  The program I am going to follow is to read about something on my heart. It sounds simple enough.  I think I can master that.  It is not as though I am going to run out of thoughts!  But, if I do, I know I can turn to a Psalm, a Proverb, or an account about Jesus and go from there.  

I pray to be spiritually full, but always hungry for more.

I do not have to do it alone...

What a crazy few weeks!  Two weeks ago, my dad had to have an emergency appendectomy, both of my aunts were out of town, so my mom and I were responsible for helping care for my grandma.  I have learned a lot during this time, mostly life lessons, and but a few funny things as well.

 Just because I can do it all by myself, doesn't mean I should.  Also, delegation is very different from sitting back and watching people do my work for me.

We'd planned a week ahead to have an ice cream social at my house to celebrate my good friend Charlotte.  It worked out that the party fell the day after Dad's surgery.  Because I had been at the ER and with my grandma Friday, I wasn't able to get as much of the cleaning done like I had wished.  But, because I was determined to do so, I spent several hours to get the house in order.  During this time, I had two offers for assistance.  I did not accept these offers, though, because I was determined to provide a party for everyone to enjoy. Why should my guests have to work?  So, I was rather tired by the time the party started and groaned audibly when I saw one of the guests brought Risk.  Fortunately, my sarcastic sense of humor kicked in to save my guests from embarrassment.
Application: When people offer help and the task at hand is easily divided, take them up on it.  If they didn't actually want their offer of help accepted, they won't offer next time!

The Holy Spirit is a very good cook!

When cooking, I frequently have people telling me to follow my instincts.  In general, this is good advice.  I can call on past experiences, knowledge about good flavor combinations, etc. to increase and improve my current dish's flavor profile.   Throughout my past weeks (were they really only two?) of cooking, I kept relying on a little voice that wasn't "me."  I'd want to add something more to a dish because it was seemingly flat, but I would not because that authoritative voice told me to hold back.  This meal would go over well, especially for the convalescing patient.  But, He advises on more than how to make good hospital food.  Yes, He even guides the making of smoothies and helps improve existing "go-to"/"signature" dishes.  My stove-top (rather than oven-baked) curry chicken, for instance, was the best I've ever made.  My instincts told me to put in a can of diced tomatoes and increase the chicken broth, but the voice said to just stick with coconut milk throughout the cooking process.  What an enjoyable cooking experience!  I partnered with God to make supper!  What a simple yet profound time.

When unsettled feelings and anxiousness take over, turn on some Third Day (or whatever is appropriate), grab a tissue if desired, and plop down supine.

  

"Your Love, Oh Lord," "King of Glory," and "Agnus Dei/Worthy" provided me with a good refocus time and got me through a day where I was convinced I was going to explode (which would have been messy and just another thing I'd have had to deal with...).  This was the most important lesson I (re)learned.  I'm not exactly sure it was, but I think it was Martin Luther, who would spend hours in prayer daily.  The more tasks he had to complete in the day, the more time he spent in prayer.  When I first heard this several years ago, my practical mind thought it strange.  Now I understand.  The more hectic a day will be, the more overwhelming a task seems, the more I need to make sure I spend time focused solely on God so I can go through my day partnered with Him and His peace.  I feel called to be a beacon of peace and tranquility.  I don't know how well I succeed at that normally.  However, I know I certainly, utterly fail when I figuratively, and somewhat literally, plow over people with an attitude of "don't even talk to me!  I have to get this, this, and this--oh, and don't forget this--done!"  

 "Your love, LORD, reaches to the heavens, your faithfulness to the skies. Your righteousness is like the highest mountains, your justice like the great deep."

 Psalm 36:5-6a

Cookbooks and following God's recipe

Here is a wall of text for those of you who missed me! :).

I'm sorry it has been a while.  I hope to remedy the posting droughts by properly refocusing my blog and posting what I feel like I should rather than over-analyzing everything.  So, from now on,  instead of feeling like every post has to be amazingly deep and profound, I will feel free to publish book reviews, quotes from books or articles, Bible verses from my readings that strike me for some reason, and, potentially, cooking updates!

I'm particularly excited about that last one.  While deliberating/fighting with God about what in the world I was going to do if I wasn't in school, He told me I was going to cook and bake cookies, particularly oatmeal raisin cookies.  In  case you did not know, oatmeal raisin cookies are evil.  Prior to God's voicing His plan in regards to this, I once got so angry at a batch of oatmeal raisin cookies that just weren't turning out (despite it being the exact same recipe that I had used before that had turned out wonderfully...) I reached into a 350 degree oven bare-handed to pull out a tray of said defective cookies.  So, yes, when God told me that I was going to be spending a lot of time with the most demonic baked good in existence, I became even less happy.  But when He told me that I could and should buy cookbooks, I brightened.  I love books.  A lot.  And I enjoy food.  I enjoy gardening and growing food, preparing it, cooking and baking it, talking about it, giving it to people, and eating it.  My family is like this, too.  We plan vacations around food.  We will find out about a restaurant and plan a vacation to the area, looking for other things to do while there (the buffet at Mrs. Yoder's Kitchen in Mt. Hope, OH is really good if you want some Amish food.  Nearby, there is the Walnut Creek Cheese Factory: a bulk food store with jellies, jams, and cheeses, too.  P. Graham Dunn is a nice place to stop on the way to the area.  We make this day trip at least once a year.).  

Anyway, I kind of forgot about buying cookbooks.  This was one type of book I didn't really know how to buy because the market is filled with so many different types and qualities.  So, I decided to make use of the Internet instead of physical books.  I began following blogs and became not the first person to discover Heidi Swanson of 101 Cookbooks.  As I became a dedicated follower, she announced the upcoming publishing of her new book Super Natural Every Day.  I was pendulous about purchasing it but eventually decided in favor of doing so.  Guess what?  It came today!  Guess what else?  Today started out as one of the roughest I have had in a long time!  So, I wasn't overly thrilled with its arrival and drug it inside along with the other large boxes from Amazon containing  our next few months supply of Izze drinks.

I was feeling frustrated with several people and with life in general.  Thus, I set about my day with a bad attitude.  As my frustration faded, I became more and more light-headed to the point I was seeing stars even after standing for a long period of time.  I lay down and rested for a bit, and that helped, so long as I didn't move any part of my body and stared straight at the ceiling.  I fought through it to get some food and lemon water.  At this point, my insightful boyfriend asked me via text message how I was doing and, upon receiving my answer, suggested I put on worship music and think about for what I was thankful.  Good advice.  I didn't want to do it, but after I finished my snack I did.  It morphed into a quiet worship session. I discovered many of my problems stemmed from a temporary state of rebellion.  I didn't realize I was in such a state.  At the point of writing this, I do not know what I was rebelling against, but now that I have come out of it, I realize I was.  My chosen attire for the day, the music I had been blaring, my thoughts, and my feelings were all negative and rebellious.

The hold broke, I no longer felt dizzy and weak, but quiet and joyful.  I grabbed the package containing my cookbook.  I felt excited once I got it in my hands, I opened it, and a great joy swept over me that I had to share in my little corner of the Internet.  During my time praying to God, I had complained yet again about how I didn't feel like how I was doing anything worthwhile--just sitting around at home doing nothing (why did You do this to me again?).  And I complained about my apparent inability to do anything outside the home without being forced into a recovery day.  What I consider a busy day is considered to be an easy one by most people ("well...I had to go to the store to pick up some stuff, go to the library to drop off books, and to the bank to make an ATM withdrawal.  Now I'm exhausted. No, I'm not sick: I've always been like this!  Seriously!").  I madly asked God why He made me "defective."  In hindsight, I find this to be funny in a sad way.  Here I was telling the perfect Being who made me that He did it wrongly--"God, You screwed up!"  But, He patiently told me that there was nothing wrong with me, that He made me to be a homebody so I could effectively minister there, no one is defective when living according to His plan, and that I should go open my cookbook so I could enjoy expanding my knowledge while working to improve my food ministry.  Now, I am going to warm up some supper and do just that.

A New Year Update

It has been a while, I know.  For the first two weeks of 2011, I didn't have wireless, so I was not truly able to post thoughts.  A lot has happened thus far this year, and I will share some the more notable events/awakenings now.  A more typical blog post will be coming soon, I promise.

1.)  I discovered I can live without Internet and actually am a lot more productive when I do not have the Internet drain option.   I tend to get caught up in rereading  an old email, Wave, or IM conversation and forget about the rest of life.  So, I am working to improve myself on that count.

2.)  God revealed His current plan for my life to me (yay!) and opened my eyes so I could see the benefits of it.  He wants me to be in my home, serving my parents (relationship building...it is hard), and learning in my favorite environment from my favorite avenue: books.  This will be a challenge for me, but I am praying for God to impart some of His grace to me.  One of my deepest desires is for my actions reflect a heart of justness and mercy.  I know I lack in the area of compassion and understanding--and patience, especially with those closest to me, so I hope to grow more in that area.

3.)  I am now a trained leader for Focus on the Family's Truth Project program and will potentially be leading the high school aged people and my church through it during the summer.  God really moves through this program, and I hope to facilitate an environment for these teens to grow in a way that will impact their lives in Christ forever.  

4.)  I am reading again and actually enjoying it!  Like Gladys Hunt, I recognized that I had forgotten how to read for the simple joy of reading.  And I know this was for multiple reasons.  Having to cram Shakespearean plays, C++ textbook chapters, Psychology sections, etc. caused me to avoid getting drawn into a good book because I knew how hard it would be to get out of it.  And then there were was The Painted Bird...which is enough said on the subject.  So, it has taken me a good year to let myself soak in and absorb a lovely story again.  And the plan from here is creating a long-term reading list (I am consulting www.thegreatbooks.com, Honey for a Teen's Heart, Invitation to the Classics, and my current collection of books) and setting tentative weekly reading goals.  I have a lot I want to learn about in both literary and non-fiction realms, and I hope to make a good dent in my reading goals this calendar year.  I'm going to finally read the classics I have always said I would read but never got around to reading!  (Suggestions for "unsung heroes" are welcome, of course.)

5.)  I am exploring starting up a home business.  I have business ideas I will share later if they flesh out into anything, but for now, my public library probably resents me.  I have 13 tomes waiting for me to pick up. :)  I love researching!

And one of the best things to have happened this New Year is I have awakened every day since the morning of January 7th (the day after Epiphany, how fitting) with a zeal, peace, confidence, and happiness I haven't experienced in a long time.  Being excited about life and having joy in the present and future is a very welcome blessing, indeed.